Monday, March 21, 2011

Yes, I'm Really All Together, And It's About Time!

Lately I've had a lot of people tell me I seem really put together, which I am... for the most part. What they don't know is that I wasn't always this put together. Those who have known me for years know that I used to be this way, back in the day, but I went through some rough patches (okay, REALLY rough patches) which were primarily caused by several injuries that derailed me from the life of my dreams. I was a Firefighter in great shape, a health nut who helped others get healthy. I made great money for my schedule, and owned a home at a young age which was always meticulous and organized. But my injuries took over my life and I went completely off track and couldn't get back on, until recently.
I'm starting this blog because I want to help people get themselves back on track or just on track for that matter. I want to help people rebalance, restore and renew themselves in every aspect of their lives. I would consider myself an expert in the field of roller coaster living. The ups and downs of life took over and I let it. I wallowed in my injuries and the fact I couldn't do the things I used to, or to the same level I used to. I was forced out of my dream job as a Firefighter which caused me to spiral into depression. I think I cried for a year straight. I let my body go, my health go, my house go, my finances go, I even let some of my relationships go... and once I got behind I couldn't catch up again, so I let it go even more.
I met my husband just as this transition was beginning for me. He fell in love with a person who took care of themselves, their home, finances, etc. He fell in love with me and married me and I let him down as I changed into a person he didn't recognize. This went on for at least 6 years. It didn't help that during that time on my roller coaster we moved at least 13 times. Talk about unorganized. I was never able to get settled to even attempt to get myself back, so I let it go even more.
I saw what was going on with myself. My husband saw it and pointed it out numerous times, which just caused heartaches and fights because I knew I was letting him down but couldn't stop it. I knew he deserved more. My best friend saw it and supported me through it. I KNEW what I needed to do, even how to do it, but I couldn't get there. I was so far gone in so many parts of my life, I couldn't focus and pull out of it. It was just easier to procrastinate and let it all pile up. Literally, pile up. In my house, on my thighs, in my heart and even my soul. I was junked out all the way around. I was ugly from the inside because I felt so heavy and burdened. I lost my confidence, was angry, not a very nice person at times, and generally just unhappy. Sure I went through those ups, but they were temporary. I'd lose 10 lbs for a special occasion which made me feel somewhat better about myself, but I still felt bogged down when I came home and looked around and saw a cluttered mess around me. Messy home, messy me. So I'd get anxious and darn near hyperventilate at the clutter and I'd go eat because that made me feel better. Before I knew it I'd gain those 10 pounds plus some back and would be in my next down cycle.
I ended up destroying my body's balance, throwing it into an unhealthy routine of gains and losses, binges and diets. This caused my body and hormones to be so out of whack that I began having severe cravings for carbs and sugars and an appetite I couldn't control. Something was wrong and I knew it, but I couldn't control it. I was also constantly running behind and felt like I never had enough time. I had too many irons in the fire and all these stresses just exhausted me.
I would then go through spells where I could get slightly organized at home which also made me feel great. But I was still out of shape and the finances were still askew. Feeling crummy about myself for my weight made me want to throw up my arms and give up on everything. (I truly think people underestimate how they feel about themselves translates into everything in their lives). I would go play outside doing things I loved instead of facing reality or doing those chores/tasks that were bogging my down. It was just easier to let it go, or only do something as it was absolutely necessary. I never seemed to be able to put all the pieces together to have the true balance I knew I once had and desired once again.
But I also felt myself getting hungry for that balance again. One day I finally decided I was over it. I made the decision right then and there that it was time to get myself back. No more excuses, no more roller coaster. I had all the tools and knowledge so I just had to do it, but I wasn't sure I could do it alone as that plan hadn't worked for me over the last 6 years of trying.
So I asked God to restore me. And He did.
I went with an angry fury through my house purging, organizing, labeling, cleaning, de-cluttering, etc. I found a way to "re-set" my metabolism which got rid of the cravings and binges. I pulled out our old budget that I used to live faithfully by and updated it. I gave God my worries; all the worries that were stressing me out, causing some of the weight gain due to the cortisol shifts within my body...
and I finally took my life back.
I have learned so much through my journey. I study finances, organization, health, nutrition, working out, etc for hours a day, and I have for years because I was looking for that magic pill to make it easy for me. Of course that pill doesn't exist, but once I was restored, all that knowledge has made it possible for me to put myself back together in every aspect of my life. And now I want to share that knowledge with you. All of the tips that got me where I am. Some where just tiny bits of advice where I made one small change that may have led to other small changes. Some of this knowledge was huge and life changing. Some of it is just products I've discovered along the way that I fell in love with. Regardless, I want to share it all and bring balance, restoration and renewal to anyone who needs it, even if it's just in one area of your life. I really believe I have discovered how to find happiness, no, true joy, and that is by finding balance in your life. Once you are balanced, you are peaceful. Once you are peaceful, you can have true joy. And I am finally truly joyful.

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